Sorry I've ignored my blog in so long. I've had my fair share of body aches and pains and weeks of physical therapy. My family also got a new addition about a month ago... a new puppy! Oh my! Puppies are a lot of work!
Petey, say hello to Blogland.
We have THREE great sponsors for this blog hop
challenge, and two will be given to random winners.
To be eligible for our third prize, you must do the following:
Wow! I haven't kept this blog updated in ages! I add everything to my facebook page now, From My Scrappy Corner.
Anyway... I absolutely love Unity Stamps! In fact, I love everything about Unity!
I've never participated in any Unity Challenges before. I never felt confident enough as well as good talented enough. The colors used in the color challenge are all of my favorite colors, so I thought why not. You never know until you try. So, Here it is:
For almost 2 weeks my mojo was missing. It came back this morning and I played with paper until 3:00 today. I had to stop to watch the Puppy Bowl. It's a tradition my son and I started 11 years ago. I created cards for some other challenges and some just for me, as well as other Unity Cards. Everything is just mixed in below.
Thanks for stopping by. I hope you like what you have seen. Please let me know you were here. I love reading comments.
Also, I can be found at my other blog, which is current, a blog tracking my journey. Trapped in a Fat Body, and you can find it right here.
Have a great evening!
This is my blog, my thoughts, my feelings, my words.
Welcome to our little Blog Hop to kick off summer here in the U.S. Our Blog Hop is all about our favorite Holidays. I'll be showing a couple of cards to you, but first, my most favorite isn't a holiday, it is a season. There is no season better than fall. I love the cool, crisp air, the smell and sight of fallen leaves. Jeans and t-shirt weather during the day and throw a hoodie on at night and sit by the campfire. There's nothing better. Plus it is the start of hunting season and my guys hunt, I have my Saturday mornings and afternoons to myself.
Crafting By Designs has three generous sponsors for the hop and just to spice it up, we added a little twist. Be sure to follow the directions in the hop to qualify for the prizes. And if at any time you get lost along the way, just click on CBD above and the line up will be right there.
First we'd like to thank our THREE generous sponsors
Ok, here's the twist: if you enter a project you're eligible
to win one of the prizes from our first two sponsors
June 10th has been a bittersweet day for me for the past 30 years. My life forever changed on that day. And not just mine, a lot of others too. There are 2 days a year that I really wouldn't mind skipping over. Just completely eliminate them from my life. June 10th and 11th.
On June 10, 1984, at 12:05 p.m., the day before my 16th birthday I gave birth to a 8 pound, 8 ounce, 21-1/2" long healthy baby girl. My sweet 16 was spent in the hospital. I left the hospital alone, a couple who's dreams I had made come true left with their brand new baby girl.
It hasn't been easy. I made the decision to give up my baby on my own. I chose LIFE. I could have ended that life, but did not. I made some one's dreams come true. On the ride home from the hospital I was told that this will never be mentioned in our house again. I hurt a lot of people. My dad the most. I was his baby girl. His baby gave birth to a baby. My dad died in 2003. I never told him how I sorry I was. For disappointing him the way that I had. Another regret I have.
For 20 years I wondered, every day about this baby. What did she look like, what kind of life did she have. Does she know I gave her up because I loved her, not because I didn't want her...
June 12, 2004 we were reunited. She was beautiful. She had my eyes, cheekbones and hands. Unfortunately honesty didn't play a huge role and 10 years later, the same feelings are back as they were in the beginning. Not that I am ungrateful for what I have experienced with her, I must go through those feelings of giving her up all over again. And now she has a baby girl of her own, a baby that I have not met and it makes giving her up a million times harder than before.
It took 30 years for my sister to tell me that she is proud of me. Wow! Proud of me. I've never viewed myself as someone to be proud of. Some one who messed around and got pregnant at 15. Proud of me because I chose life. I gave someone the gift of life. That even though things haven't worked out as I would I have liked, I can walk away from this with my head held high. Those words were never spoken before.
30 is a significant number. I have cried from the time I woke up this morning. My husband doesn't understand. He told me to get over it and learn to deal with it better. This day in the past has been hard, but this year it is especially hard. Basically because of what has happened over the past year that I really don't understand and have asked, but received no answers. Just the basic wanted to know health history and maybe be a once a year acquaintance.
I've finally been able to tell my sister that all of the comments and likes on pictures from my family are hurtful. They are my family, there is contact with them, but not me. That's fine. My family has never done anything to her, they didn't give her up.
June 11th is my birthday. My 46th Birthday. First i can't believe I'm going to be 46. Second I can't believe that my daughter is 30. It sucks that she was born the day before my birthday. It really does. My birthday means nothing to me. It's not a happy time. I wish those around would understand that. I ask for nothing, I want nothing. Just to be left alone as if it was just another day. Since my 16th birthday, I seem to find less than desirable things to do on my birthday. And this year is no different. I can not enjoy my 46th birthday this year because the day after I scheduled surgery. Because of the sins of my past, I find myself punishing my future.
No one knows how I feel, except for me. I try to explain, but it is too hard. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but who would hear me? Lord knows I've cried a river already. You can't go back and change things. Everything happens for a reason, all a part of God's plan. Oh if I could though, I would go back and change a few things. Not back to the beginning, just 10 years ago. 10 years I didn't know, I still wondered. And wondering is a lot easier than knowing.
For the first time in a long I had a Friday home alone. My son was in school and my husband has a temporary shift change. For days I had plans running through my mind...well...you know how that goes. I didn't do anything that I had planned on, but did take a 45 minute nap, 2 loads of laundry and managed to play with paper.
I'm entering the Lawn/Fawn Challenge at Mountain Plains Crafters. First time ever entering over there and if you would like to drop by, just click here. This is the card I created:
I've also started to dabble in Mixed Media. There is no wrong or right way as far as I'm concerned. I love the fact that one can completely be free and lose them self in their creations. Although it looks big, it is a 5x7 canvas. Let me know what you think.
If you're not a follower of my blog, please become one. I'm not the best blogger out there, but I do blog occasionally.
Please leave a comment and let me know you were here!
The World Wide Web can be very good and it can be very bad. You can get lost in the Cyber World which is what happened to me last night. A click here, a like here, then another click and there you are, lost in a giant world on a wide screen monitor. Somehow I clicked on a blog about a baby, then to another and another and I ended up on an adoption page of quotes. From Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers and Adopted Children. I read this quote:
“You were tossed away like a pair of beautiful, brand new shoes that did not quite fit.”
What??? I couldn't believe me eyes, I sat there in disbelief and read it over and over again. Is this how someone truly feels? I am a Birth Mom, do I feel like I tossed the baby I carried for 9 months away like a brand new pair of shoes that didn't fit? NO! I want Donna K. Childree to know my story. I was 15 years old. 15!!! I should have been out having fun with my friends, hanging out at the mall, shopping for a dress for the upcoming school dance. Instead I was terrified. Only a few knew, I hid it. I hid it from my family until it came to the ultimate head in March of 1984. A very close friend gave me the money for an abortion, that's what I was going to do, perfect, my life would return to normal. I made it the whole to the front door of the clinic, but couldn't open it. I just couldn't. Maybe if I ignored the fact that I was pregnant, the pregnancy would go away, well that didn't happen either. I knew I could not keep this baby. As much as I loved this baby that was growing inside me, I knew I couldn't do it. What kind of life would I be able to provide? I didn't want my mom to raise my baby. I did not want this child to grow up in the same environment that I did. My dad drank and on those nights he didn't come home after work, you just never knew how he was going to be and who he was going to target.
Long before my family found out, I decided that I was giving my baby up for adoption. My mind was set. I knew it would be hard, day after day, not knowing, wondering, praying for a wonderful family. Looking into the faces of little ones that appeared to be the same age as her. Any similarities, any resemblance?
After rereading the quote yet again, I started wondering maybe this is how Kelly feels. Maybe she feels I tossed her away. I thought that when she was pregnant and had her own child, she would understand. Sadly no.
We were reunited once, she stayed for a while, then went away. She came back, she was ready, she's gone again. The second time I thought was different. Her words were different, her actions were different, but in the end nothing changed. I never wanted to be a "Mom" to her .Did I want to be in her life? Yes. But not as a once a year acquaintance. Would Danny and I love to meet her baby? The baby that shares the same blood lines as us, yes. Will we ever meet the baby? No. Will we ever see or hear from Kelly again? Probably not. Do we like knowing all of this, no, but its life, it is her life, her choice and I am the one that gave those choices to her because I gave her up.
At times I do have regret. I have never regretted giving her up for adoption. I regret the afterwards.
So for those of you who are on the other side, who can not see it clearly, giving a child up for adoption is like a death. The feelings are very similar to grief. A grieving process, grief that never goes away. When someone dies, there is a funeral, there is closure, you grieve, you go on. They are never coming back. When you give a child up for adoption, you grieve for a child that you put you selfishness aside for. A child that you may or may not have ever seen. You worry, you worry for someone that you have never met. When you do meet, it is an amazing or not so amazing experience. Then they go away, the grieving begins again. No one will ever understand.