Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Climb

OK here it is, the first picture of myself that I can actually tell I've lost weight. My mom thinks I look just beautiful, but then what is a mom going to say? Of course I'm beautiful to her, I'm her daughter. I was just messing around with my camera and decided to take a few pics of me. Something I do not do.

Tonight was Weight Watchers. UGH....I'm never going to get there. This is for life. I did lose, and I lost .8 pounds. My total so far is 23.8. I have a long journey ahead. I was contemplating life and my life the whole drive home. Why was I born like this? Am I always going to look like this? Why can't I eat what I want to eat? Why aren't I losing how I want to lose? Maybe I should cut more points from my daily allowance. How am i going to make it through vacation without gaining. 25 pounds seems so far out of reach. THEN, a song came on the radio, "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. I listened to the words and it is now and forever going to be my song, my motivation. There is always going to be a mountain to climb, it doesn't matter at what pace you climb that mountain, just as long as you keep climbing. After you reach the top, you are not going to know what is on the other side, but you have to find out. On the other side of mine is going to be a thinner, healthier me. Mountain climbing isn't easy, my climb is not easy, but I'm doing it and by really listening to the words, I am going to make it. Its not going to be easy, there will be obstacles in the way. It is up to me to decide how I handle those obstacles. The whole gist of it is, there will always be another mountain, you climb one, then there is another and another and another. Food is not the answer. Food is the problem. Why is it that food is involved with everything in life? You're happy you eat, you're sad you eat, you had a bad day, you seek comfort in comfort food. This just goes on and on.

I have gone through a lot in my life. So many people have told me to write a book. The desire is not there for me. I grew up with an alcoholic parent, I got pregnant at an early age, I gave her up for adoption. I so totally loved someone, but was so afraid to tell him, he was so afraid to tell me, ended up telling me his feelings after he was married. We made a stupid mistake, the friendship we had ended. I gave my heart and soul to another, that ended tragically by suicide. The list goes on and on. I watched my dad die from cancer in 7 months. The point is I have survived. I lived through this. Just roll with the punches. I will roll with the punches with weight loss.

Vacation is next week. My husband is not happy because my mom invited herself to join us for 4 days. We never know how much time we have with someone in this world. We don't know our fate. I'm going to enjoy my mom's company. I am so happy that Danny will have memories of spending his vacation with his Nana. Danny doesn't have the memories of my dad and that tears me apart inside.

This summer has been the busiest summer I have ever experienced. I've neglected everything that I enjoy. I haven't had time. My bff and I haven't had one day of fun together yet this summer. We are setting aside July 31st. We will do something, I don't know what, but something.

It's late and 5:30 comes pretty early.

I'm going to keep on climbing.....

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