Tuesday, June 17, 2014

And We're Hopping!

Welcome to our little Blog Hop to kick off summer here in the U.S. Our Blog Hop is all about our favorite Holidays. I'll be showing a couple of cards to you, but first, my most favorite isn't a holiday, it is a season. There is no season better than fall. I love the cool, crisp air, the smell and sight of fallen leaves. Jeans and t-shirt weather during the day and throw a hoodie on at night and sit by the campfire. There's nothing better. Plus it is the start of hunting season and my guys hunt, I have my Saturday mornings and afternoons to myself.

Crafting By Designs has three generous sponsors for the hop and just to spice it up, we added a little twist. Be sure to follow the directions in the hop to qualify for the prizes. And if at any time you get lost along the way, just click on CBD above and the line up will be right there.

First we'd like to thank our THREE generous sponsors



Ok, here's the twist: if you enter a project you're eligible
to win one of the prizes from our first two sponsors
 BUT if you hop thru each of the blogs and leave a comment and
your email address at EACH blog, you're also eligible to win
a prize from our third sponsor Di's Digi Stamps.

Here's the line up of the blogs to visit:
Sharon - Scrap Happy (YOU ARE HERE)

You should have came here from Lisa. Weren't here creations fabulous? Now you're going to head over to Doris and see her beautiful inspiration. But first, I'm going to show you a few of mine:

I hope you're having a really great time visiting all of the DT's blogs. We are so very happy you're hopping with us. Don't forget to follow the directions above. 
Thanks for stopping by and Good Luck!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

30 Years, 3 Decades, 10,950 Days

June 10th has been a bittersweet day for me for the past 30 years. My life forever changed on that day. And not just mine, a lot of others too. There are 2 days a year  that I really wouldn't mind skipping over. Just completely eliminate them from my life. June 10th and 11th. 
On June 10, 1984, at 12:05 p.m.,  the day before my 16th birthday I gave birth to a 8 pound, 8 ounce, 21-1/2" long healthy baby girl. My sweet 16 was spent in the hospital. I left the hospital alone, a couple who's dreams I had made come true left with their brand new baby girl.
It hasn't been easy. I made the decision to give up my baby on my own. I chose LIFE. I could have ended that life, but did not. I made some one's dreams come true. On the ride home from the hospital I was told that this will never be mentioned in our house again. I hurt a lot of people. My dad the most. I was his baby girl. His baby gave birth to a baby. My dad died in 2003. I never told him how I sorry I was. For disappointing him the way that I had.  Another regret I have.

For 20 years I wondered, every day about this baby. What did she look like, what kind of  life did she have. Does she know I gave her up because I loved her, not because I didn't want her...
June 12, 2004 we were reunited. She was beautiful. She had my eyes, cheekbones and hands. Unfortunately honesty didn't play a huge role and 10 years later, the same feelings are back as they were in the beginning. Not that I am ungrateful for what I have experienced with her, I must go through those feelings of giving her up all over again. And now she has a baby girl of her own, a baby that I have not met and it makes giving her up a million times harder than before.

It took 30 years for my sister to tell me that she is proud of me. Wow! Proud of me. I've never viewed myself as someone to be proud of. Some one who messed around and got pregnant at 15.  Proud of me because I chose life. I gave someone the gift of life. That even though things haven't worked out as I would I have liked, I can walk away from this with my head held high. Those words were never spoken before.

30 is a significant number. I have cried from the time I woke up this morning. My husband doesn't understand. He told me to get over it and learn to deal with it better. This day in the past has been hard, but this year it is especially hard. Basically because of what has happened over the past year that I really don't understand and have asked, but received no answers. Just the basic wanted to know health history and maybe be a once a year acquaintance. 

I've finally been able to tell my sister that all of the comments and likes on pictures from my family are hurtful. They are my family, there is contact with them, but not me. That's fine. My family has never done anything to her, they didn't give her up.

June 11th is my birthday. My 46th Birthday. First i can't believe I'm going to be 46. Second I can't believe that my daughter is 30. It sucks that she was born the day before my birthday. It really does. My birthday means nothing to me. It's not a happy time. I wish those around would understand that. I ask for nothing, I want nothing. Just to be left alone as if it was just another day. Since my 16th birthday, I seem to find less than desirable things to do on my birthday. And this year is no different. I can not enjoy my 46th birthday this year because the day after I scheduled surgery. Because of the sins of my past, I find myself punishing my future.

No one knows how I feel, except for me. I try to explain, but it is too hard. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but who would hear me? Lord knows I've cried a river already. You can't go back and change things. Everything happens for a reason, all a part of God's plan. Oh if I could though, I would go back and change a few things. Not back to the beginning, just 10 years ago. 10 years I didn't know, I still wondered. And wondering is a lot easier than knowing.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Challenge Time

For the first time in a long I had a Friday home alone. My son was in school and my husband has a temporary shift change. For days I had plans running through my mind...well...you know how that goes. I didn't do anything that I had planned on, but did take a 45 minute nap, 2 loads of laundry and managed to play with paper.

I'm entering the Lawn/Fawn Challenge at Mountain Plains Crafters. First time ever entering over there and if you would like to drop by, just click here. This is the card I created:

I've also started to dabble in Mixed Media. There is no wrong or right way as far as I'm concerned. I love the fact that one can completely be free and lose them self  in their creations. Although it looks big, it is a 5x7 canvas. Let me know what you think.

If you're not a follower of my blog, please become one. I'm not the best blogger out there, but I do blog occasionally.
Please leave a comment and let me know you were here!


Sunday, May 11, 2014

How dare you, Donna K.Childree

The World Wide Web can be very good and it can be very bad. You can get lost in the Cyber World which is what happened to me last night. A click here, a like here, then another click and there you are, lost in a giant world on a wide screen monitor. Somehow I clicked on a blog about a baby, then to another and another and I ended up on an adoption page of quotes. From Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers and Adopted Children. I read this quote:

“You were tossed away like a pair of beautiful, brand new shoes that did not quite fit.” 

What??? I couldn't believe me eyes, I sat there in disbelief and read it over and over again. Is this how someone truly feels? I am a Birth Mom, do I feel like I tossed the baby I carried for 9 months away like a brand new pair of shoes that didn't fit? NO! I want Donna K. Childree to know my story. I was 15 years old. 15!!! I should have been out having fun with my friends, hanging out at the mall, shopping for a dress for the upcoming school dance. Instead I was terrified. Only a few knew, I hid it. I hid it from my family until it came to the ultimate head in March of 1984. A very close friend gave me the money for an abortion, that's what I was going to do, perfect, my life would return to normal. I made it the whole to the front door of the clinic, but couldn't open it. I just couldn't. Maybe if I ignored the fact that I was pregnant, the pregnancy would go away, well that didn't happen either. I knew I could not keep this baby. As much as I loved this baby that was growing inside me, I knew I couldn't do it. What kind of life would I be able to provide? I didn't want my mom to raise my baby. I did not want this child to grow up in the same environment that I did. My dad drank and on those nights he didn't come home after work, you just never knew how he was going to be and who he was going to target.
Long before my family found out, I decided that I was giving my baby up for adoption. My mind was set. I knew it would be hard, day after day, not knowing, wondering, praying for a wonderful family. Looking into the faces of little ones that appeared to be the same age as her. Any similarities, any resemblance?

After rereading the quote yet again, I started wondering maybe this is how Kelly feels. Maybe she feels I tossed her away. I thought that when she was pregnant and had her own child, she would understand. Sadly no. 

We were reunited once, she stayed for a while, then went away. She came back, she was ready, she's gone again. The second time I thought was different. Her words were different, her actions were different, but in the end nothing changed. I never wanted to be a "Mom" to her .Did I want to be in her life? Yes. But not as a once a year acquaintance. Would Danny and I love to meet her baby? The  baby that shares the same blood lines as us, yes. Will we ever meet the baby? No. Will we ever see or hear from Kelly again? Probably not. Do we like knowing all of this, no, but its life, it is her life, her choice and I am the one that gave those choices to her because I gave her up.

At times I do have regret. I have never regretted giving her up for adoption. I regret the afterwards. 

So for those of you who are on the other side, who can not see it clearly, giving a child up for adoption is like a death. The feelings are very similar to grief. A grieving process, grief that never goes away. When someone dies, there is a funeral, there is closure, you grieve, you go on. They are never coming back. When you give a child up for adoption, you grieve for a child that you put you selfishness aside for. A child that you may or may not have ever seen. You worry, you worry for someone that you have never met. When you do meet, it is an amazing or not so amazing experience. Then they go away, the grieving begins again. No one will ever understand.

It was easier not knowing.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Darker Side of Me

Rarely do I  visit the "Dark Side" of my mental therapy. Over the weekend I decided to challenge myself  and did. I am quite happy with the turn out and I am going to actually enter them in a couple of Dark Side Challenges. I just love how the "Dark  Side" sounds.

I am entering the tag in the current PunkYouGirl Challenge and the Left of Center Challenge. Oh I almost forgot! Here is the direct link for the PunkYouGirl Lavish Lace Challenge. Just click here.   I entered my card over at the Outlawz and I don't think it was received very well. Oh well, sometimes you have to think outside of the box and I'm still a little upset with them that I never received the prize I won in February. Such is life.

My paper I used on both is from Color Bok. The lace is from a doilie, my images are from Rick St. Dennis and Smeared Ink.

Please let me know you were here. I love reading your comments. Become a follower of my blog, the more the merrier. I can't promise that I will keep my blog updated, because in all honesty I suck at it. Also stop over at Crafting By Designs and join us for a challenge or two. 

Sadly it took me two times to realize this, there won't be a third. I just wish people would understand that even though they don't think they are hurting your feelings, they really are.

Monday, April 14, 2014


Sometimes as hard as it may be, you just have to accept the fact that no matter how many times you try to explain your feelings, others will never understand. Once a mistake has been made you can not go back and change it no matter how hard you wish you could. Hope and pray that the person you hurt and disappointed the most forgave you in the end. And the realization that yes, this is how the story is going to end.

Every one is a product of their environment and it is clear you have never been a part of mine. Selfishness is a very unattractive trait.

Everyday when you look at her, you will see a part of me, because she is a part of you and you are a part of me. And you are the one that will have to live with that.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Inky Fingers = Happy Sunday

I've been seeing these bookmarks on Pinterest and have been wanting to try them. Months ago I even remember to grab a few Paint Samples when I was at WalMart. We woke up to snow on the ground this morning and it was quite drab. Perfect day to play with paper. By the time I was done, the sun was shining, the snow had melted at it reached 50 glorious degrees.
So super easy and so quick to make. How cute are these?

I made several cards today for challenges over at the Outlawz. I'm also entering them in Left of Center's First Anniversary party. Maureen, my wonderful DT Sister over at Crafting By Designs organized LOC's party and let me tell you they have had quite an amazing turn out. I'm in awe with each project I see.
The Outlawz - Saturday Paper ala Mode
Use Glitter

The Outlawz - Tuesday Color - Choose 3 colors
from the 5 listed. Twist - Make it for a boy.
Left of Center - 1st Anniversary Party

The Outlawz - Twisted Thursday - Anything Goes
added twist- use a butterfly
Left of Center 1st Anniversary Party

The Outlawz - CAS Sunday - Get Well

Stop over and visit these amazing blogs. You won't be disappointed!

Time for The Walking Dead Season 4 Finale. My family is addicted to it. It is going to be a long time until Season 5 in October.

As always, thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and let me know that you were here.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Life's Lessons

I've ignored my blog for quite some time. I had surgery in February on my hand and am finally getting back into the swing of things. I'm playing with paper, but not as much as I would like. Playing paper is a pure form of mental therapy for me and since I haven't been playing with it as much, so many things are on my mind....
First off, Crafting By Designs is having an awesome almost month long Anything Goes Challenge in progress as well as their weekly Things with Wings Challenge. Stop over, check out the awesome inspiration and the fantastic prizes offered by our GENEROUS SPONSORS.
For my Anything Goes Challenge I used a digi from A Day for Daisies. I love this freehand butterfly.
And for our Things with Wings challenge, I found this cute little guy on Pinterest. 

Exactly one year ago, I was told something that I thought was going to be an incredible journey. The daughter that I had given up for adoption and her husband told my son and I that they were expecting, due in September. We were asked if we would like to hear the baby's heartbeat. Oh My! Would we? That little beating heart was one of the most beautiful sounds ever heard. After that day, well I'm not exactly sure what happened. Somewhere along the way feelings changed. I'm sad, but more than being sad, I'm hurt. I'm hurt because of the lack of honesty and being misled. When we first met, I was so happy. All those years of wonder, not knowing and then there she was, first a voice on the phone, she had a name, then a couple of weeks later, she was standing there right in front of me. There are no words to completely describe the feelings and emotions. She was young, 20 at the time and not fully knowing what all was involved and how I would feel. She felt pressured because I wanted her to meet my family, the family that also wondered for 20 years. From the beginning I asked for honesty... after awhile, she went away and stayed away. No words spoken, basically ignore it and it will go away. Something that I have done quite often. A death in her family and health issues with my son brought us back together years later by a phone call. More conversations, invitations to her graduation party/house warming party, birthday's on my side, crafting together... all still just asking for honesty. One night I remember the words coming from her, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't know what was going to be involved, I wasn't ready. I'm ready for this now." WONDERFUL! Then came the wedding and the words, "You're one of my mother's of the bride." I hosted the bridal shower with her mom, I was there at the church while she was getting ready, seated behind her mom and dad in church, even given a rose by her husband. Seated at the parent table at the reception and my family was included in this beautiful, dreams can come true, fairy tale. Honestly on my part, I was uncomfortable being called Bio- Mom, I was uncomfortable having all of these people know who I was. I remember asking if I could attend the wedding and just sit in the back of the church, I just wanted to see her get married...
Please don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for being a part of it, for my family being a part of it.
But....something happened. The baby was born in September. I haven't seen her. My mom and sister have, I'm also grateful for that. I have intuition and being told that my intuition was wrong by family members hurt. I could see the baby, but my son was not allowed to. He had Lyme's disease at the end of September, it was gone by the end of October. That was the reason he could not see the baby. He asked all of the time, I made up excuse after excuse. Well into November the answer was still no, leaving the last reply as the pediatrician recommended the baby not be around any children because of colds and flu season with a maybe after Christmas. 
All of this has put a wedge between my mom and I. Her coming to my house in tears telling me how this is breaking her heart, that my feelings of my daughter  not wanting to have anything to do with me were crazy. Conversations with my sister telling me that it's not what I think. I gave birth to her, for 9 months we were one and I know, I know how and what I was feeling and to be told that I was wrong was extremely hurtful.
After a while I sent a message and put it out there. That opened a whole dialogue on exactly what I knew. But none of the questions from the 2nd time we got back together were answered. Her answers were all from the beginning. She wanted to know health history and her story. That was it. Maybe a once a year visit, occasional emails and communication through facebook... My sister knows this, my mother doesn't. I have been blocked on her news feed and she has been blocked from mine. Reading the gushing comments made by my family members and the conversations held between them hurt. It really does. I'm saddened by it. It's o.k. though, I am a survivor and I can get through anything and everything that comes my way. God gave me incredible strength for a reason. There is so much more I could write, but it would take years to read.
In the end, I can not help to feel that I am being punished. Punished for giving her a life that I would never have been able to. For not keeping her, for giving her away. I thought that when she had a baby of her own she would understand.... 

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

A life's lesson learned.

Monday, January 27, 2014


Hello! I sure hope it's warm where you are. Here in Western PA we are in our second round of the Polar Vortex and let's just say I'm getting pretty darn tired of it.
The card I created is for our Crafting By Designs new challenge that goes live on Wednesday, January 29th. The theme is Think Warm Thoughts. Create any project that makes you feel warm. Cindy is our fabulous hostess and Oak Pond Creations is our awesome sponsor. They have generously gifted one lucky winner 3 digis of their choice.
I have rekindled my love affair with my Cricut. I had a special order for a birthday party and that made me dig out the cartridges and .....well you know.... I'm addicted all over again.
The card base and card stock is Recollections from Michael's. The DP is from an old My Minds Eye stack. The cartridge I used is Create a Critter. One of my favorites.
I am also entering this card for the first time in the Fantabulous Cricut Challenge
I wish I could remember how I came across their blog, but can not. The challenge this week for them is mix and match. 3 papers and a Cricut Cut.
I also came up with this one while I was creating in my messy corner. My son will be the lucky recipient. I would sing this song to him every night when he was little. On occasion I still sing it to him. He's going on 13 and is still very tolerant with me :)
 And last but not least, I am entering this card in Saturday's Paper ala Mode Recipe Challenge over at The Outlawz.

As always, thanks for stopping by. If you're not a follower of my blog, why not become one? Every one is welcome. Please drop me a line in the comment section and let me know you were here.
Keep Warm!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Get Your Girl On

Hello Blogland. I'm hosting the Challenge this week at Crafting By Designs. You can click here. The theme this is is Get Your Girl On. I do not consider myself a Girly Girl. It's hard when you live in a house with two guys who adore everything about the great outdoors. I love to fish and I love spending time at our camp in the mountains, but I do have semi Girly Girl moments at times.
Our sponsor this week is All Dressed Up Stamps and they are generously gifting one lucky winner 3 Digi's of their choice. They also generously gifted our Design Team a few digi's to work with. The one I chose is titled AMORE.
I love this image! The paper is from an old My Mind's Eye stack. I stamped the edges with black pigment ink and heat embossed with silver embossing powder. The flowers are colored in with blending  chalks and the image is colored in with colored pencils.

I also finished my Cowgirl Party Theme special order and delivered it this morning. She loved it! The party is next week. I can not wait to hear how the birthday girl loved her decorations. I also received another special theme decoration order, Pirates. I have a feeling I'm going to have just as much fun creating those as I did the Cowgirl ones.

I must step away from the computer now and get a few things done. Hoping all goes right for tomorrow, my son is having 2 friends over and we are supposed to get a bad snowstorm. Fingers crossed that the roads are in good shape and they can get here. Once here, they can spend the night if it gets too bad. I grocery shopped this morning, my husband helped me unload it. He asked me, "How much food are these kids going to eat?" I smiled and answered, "Three 13 year olds, you'd be surprised."

Enjoy your weekend! Be safe, keep warm and don't forget to play with paper and glue!


Saturday, January 18, 2014

Happy Spotlight Saturday

Hello Blogland,
Today is Saturday and I am happy to announce that I am the Saturday Spotlight over at Cuttin' and Stampin'. Tammy asked me if I would like to create a Winter Wonderland Project and of course I said yes.
I met Tammy about 3 years ago through Crafting By Designs. She is wonderful and always brings a smile to my face.
Tammy provided the supplies, I came up with the idea.
The craft base is Recollections from Michael's, I then used the Paper Smooches Fresh Snow Rubber Stamp set and stamped Snowflakes on the card using Memento White Ink. The paper and button embellishments is from the BoBunny Winter Woodland collection. I'm in love with this collection! 

My guys are going hunting today and I'm going to hang out in my messy, scrappy corner. I have a special order project to finish, A Cowgirl Themed Birthday Party. Here's a sneak peek of some of the items I've finished.

I would like to thank Tammy at Cuttin' and Stampin' for asking me to be her Spotlight Saturday guest, it was an honor. Please stop by and show her and her design team some love. They are all so incredibly talented.

Happy Saturday! Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy 2014!!!


WOW! I can not believe a new year is upon us. Any resolutions this year? Personally I do not make resolutions. A new year ahead and quite a lot of uncertainty is coming along with it. The biggest is my husband's job. His contract runs out at the end of July. We've already had healthcare changes that went into effect today. Healthcare is the biggest issue the Workers/Union and Employer will have to agree upon. There have been rumors that we will be paying a very LARGE deductible....hmmmm..... Would love to start saving for that deductible now, but it is difficult when $$ is tight. 
I will be having surgery on my right hand sometime during the next 2 months. I'm dreading it. I know the surgery will hopefully relieve the pain. The doctor seems to think I will only miss a couple of days work. Which is good, but how many paper playing days will I miss?

Anyway, let's move on..... We have a new challenge going on at Crafting By Designs. It is new to us this year. The challenge is Anything Goes, BUT it is going to be a month long challenge. We will be continuing to have 'New Challenges with a Twist' every week.
We have a fabulous sponsor this month:

They'll be awarding one winner their choice of
3 digis up to a $10 value, and have generously
gifted some lovely images to the design team to get you inspired.

Here is the beautiful image I was gifted by them. My very first creation for the New Year.

And a little humor to share before I close. Last night when my son went to bed, he said, "Woo Hoo! 2014! In 6 months and 5 days I become a teenager! I'll be 13!" Mom and dad aren't ready for that one yet...sigh
My wish for all of you is to find whatever it is that makes your heart happy in 2014. Life is too short to be anything else!
Thanks for stopping by!